Mine
by nair4ever
Summary: What was meant to be a simple favor, turned into something so much more. She was never a mother type, then again, he was never anything more than a kid himself and he seems to be much better at this than her.
1. Done the deed

Hello everyone:) here I am again with a new story. This one was my idea combined with your wishes so I think it should be okay. I know my grammar is definitely not perfect and I probably make a lot of mistakes that I'm not even aware of, but bare with me, it really isn't easy to write on your second language. I mix up a lot of tenses and misspell a lot of things, I try my best though :) your reviews are really important, I love more than anything to know what you guys think of these stories, after all, they are written for you. So enjoy and if you like it, review.

The story is placed around the fifth season of GG, but not necessarily the same.

I do not own any characters or songs used, just the ideas.

* * *

It is her third drink that night, her throat already stings both from the tears and the strong alcohol. She still refuses to stop though. There it goes, yet another relationship has failed because she was an obsessive possessive freak who got hurt way too much in life to let anyone get remotely close to her.

Dan was probably smart to break it off with her, she would have done it herself eventually. They were just two pieces of a different puzzle.

Surprisingly (if you could even call it that) she is more upset by the very break up part, rather than losing Dan. It's not like she ever had him.

The only downfall is having to go back to Brooklyn out of all places, and pick her stuff up. Ugh, back to that depressing loft where coffee was a passage of life. Thanks, but no thanks. She can live without a dress or two, and even her Manolos. Anything not to go over there ever again.

Thinking of it now, she left more than just dresses and shoes there. Her Kate Spade clutch, her favorite raincoat and that pocket edition of Breakfast at Tiffany's she carried everywhere. She needs that back.

Well she isn't going over there herself, that's for sure. Dorota is absent and occupied with her new pregnancy so she's out of the game. Serena decided not to be her friend anymore as Blair stole the ''love of her life'', more likely ''the love of her month''. Chuck…she couldn't even say his name out loud and not laugh at it. Chuck and Dan. Never not even then. Besides, she wants to be on solid ground with Chuck and maybe start a friendship. Much to his distaste she's no longer interested in the whole Chuck&Blair relationship. Too much drama, too much of everything. She was eaten up and consumed inside out by that relationship every time they tried it. She is ready to be free.

There is one person left she can call. After all, that person used to be the first one she would call in trouble times.

* * *

Nate just stepped out of the steamy shower in his room when his phone buzzed. He quickly rushed to locate it and almost ended up falling over Monkey's toys that were everywhere.

''Blair?'' his brows furrow. She probably couldn't reach Chuck for some reason so she was calling him to check. He is somewhat bitter about it, which is even more surprising than Blair's call.

''Ummm hey Blair, what's up?'' he tries to put on some clothes and balance the phone at the same time which seems like mission impossible

She really isn't the one to fidget so she cuts straight to the point ''I need your help-'' there's a strange noise on the other side of the line ''-and what the hell are you doing Archibald? If you're in bed with some tramp Chuck introduced you to and talking to me at the same time, I swear to God, I will hurt you-''

He chuckles out loud and finally picks up the phone having his pants zipped ''-I'm getting myself dressed'' as if that explains everything

''Charming. So there is a girl-'' why so bitter about it?

He grins at her persistence. ''-no, just me-'' he can't resist to ask, it's just so amusing to play with her nerves, he misses that ''-why?''

She can basically see him grinning so she ignores the question, refusing to give him the satisfaction ''-it's so nice outside, isn't it? How about a stroll to Brooklyn?'' her voice is all sugar, spice and everything nice, Nate knows from experience nothing good can come out of that.

''It's raining, and it's almost midnight-'' he stops when it comes to him, Blair's supposed to be with Dan, isn't she? ''-shouldn't you be in Brooklyn?''

Blair swallows whatever's left in her glass and lets out a sigh ''-yeah, not really.''

He wants answers. ''Why?''

''Oh you know, it disgusting, there's a low budget coffee shop on every corner, just like there's homeless people sleeping on sidewalks. And also, Dan and I broke up, well sort of. Okay, he broke up with me, but I would hav-''

''You broke up?'' so she was single, he can't remember the last time she was. It was always either Chuck or the prince or Dan or…well him. It's weird, he just saw Dan like an hour ago and he said nothing.

''Yeah, I guess-'' there's a silence ''-this is where you step in. Come on Archibald, be a hero and go get my stuff from the loft. –'' he's already growling ''-pretty pretty please. You're friends anyways so it won't be awkward at all and-'' he already knows he'll do it, not even once did he pass the chance of helping a friend in need, let along Blair. He just likes torturing her, making her beg for once in her life.

''-come on Natie, and hey, you'll finally have the chance to see me, I bet you miss me-''

He chuckles, wow, she really is desperate. Fine, enough torturing.

''Fine, I expect a beer waiting for me when I arrive''

''Ugh-'' she over pronounces it on purpose ''-Blair Waldorf and beer, I'd rather-'' that's not appropriate to say out loud ''-never mind, you're the best Natie''

She smiles, he really is.

* * *

New York never seemes more peaceful to him, at least Brooklyn. The streets are dark, the only light being the one coming from the windows on those old grey building he has come to love over time. He is at the loft in no time, he has already memorized the number of steps it takes to the door and now that he's actually standing there, he realizes how stupid and awkward all of this will be.

It's around midnight, Dan is probably sleeping or deeply engrossed in one of those boring documentaries about poetry or whatever the hell it was. Maybe he isn't even home, he broke up with Blair Waldorf for God's sake, he should be drinking till he forgets he ever let a girl like that get away.

Ummm hypocritical much?

Nonsense, he is here for a reason so instead of standing there like a statue, he should stop being a little bitch and get Blair's stuff already to get over all of this.

He knocks once, no answer. Knocks twice and someone is opening the door.

''Nate?-'' Dan looks terrible, his usual stubble is much more visible now on his skinnier features, he can tell that he's been drinking by his bloodshot eyes and the bottle of Jack on the counter. So it's this bad. He wonders how Blair looks, did the breakup have the same effect on her? Most likely no, Blair never lets herself down, not even in tough situations like this, in fact she insists on staying perfect to mask the vulnerability she finds herself in. ''-did you forget something?'' he is confused more than ever, he just saw Nate a while ago, what's going on?

Nate awkwardly shifts on his other foot ''-not really-'' stop fidgeting ''-I'm actually here to pick Blair's stuff'' he says quietly and Dan stares at him for a moment.

So she already told Nate, why is he surprised? It's the Upper East Side, they're like a wolf pack. Also, he is still kind of hoping both him and Blair will get it together and make up eventually when they're both sober and clear headed. Obviously not. Even though Nate has absolutely nothing to do with the breakup and was clueless about it till Blair told him, Dan's still kind of pissed at him. Envious would be a better word.

He broke up with Blair and he wants her back already, he knows it's not how it works and that he screwed himself over completely. Blair will probably never even speak to him again, but if he was some UES confused pin up guy like Nate was, he would be her best friend in an instant and probably have sex with her on occasion, like Nate probably will. He is so bitter about it that he forgets he's still standing there at the door and Nate is expecting a feedback.

He doesn't say a thing, he just moves aside and lets him in.

Nate feels uncomfortable instantly and Dan's hovering isn't helping, when he finally lets him in he figures he wants to get this over with as soon as possible. He spots Blair's coat right away and her pocket edition of Breakfast at Tiffany's. Blair carries that book everywhere even though she already read it a hundred times.

He remembers her telling him something about shoes in the text message she sent him right before he headed out. He takes his phone out to get the list straight and starts collecting her things as if it was a game. In the meantime Dan pours himself another glass of Jack and asks Nate if he wants some which he politely declines. He wants to get out of there, not stay longer for drinks.

He spots a movie that wasn't on the list, but he's one hundred percent sure it's hers so he takes it without a doubt. When he finally has everything he says _goodbye _and _I'm sorry it didn't work_ to Dan.

Dan nods, he notices the Blu-ray edition of Rosemary's baby in his hands and the bitterness wins over his entire body. He thought he was the only one who knew it was one of Blair's favorite. Turns out Nate really does know Blair better than any one of them and Dan hates him for it.

* * *

She is going of her mind when the elevator bell finally dings. She lets out a sigh of relief and rushes towards him.

It 's been a long time since he's been here actually. The house seems so familiar, and there she is, Blair. And she's throwing her arms around him.

''Whoa-'' he chuckles and puts down a bag so he could hug her back ''-hello to you too''

''Oh Nate you have no idea how much this means-'' she squeals ''- I wish Dorota would already pop out that baby of hers and come be useful here''

''Same old dictating Blair'' he comments and grins to himself, he doesn't know why, but he can't stop smiling around her, maybe it's the fact that they haven't been alone in each other's company for a long time or that they haven't been single at the same time in years.

It's been an hour and they're already sitting on the floor of her bedroom and sipping champagne, it almost feels like old days. Blair feels very relaxed in his company, after all she has known Nate her whole life, who better to make her self feel better than him.

She is all smiles and giggles but there's sadness in her eyes and he waits until the crucial moment to bring it up.

''What happened?-'' he puts his glass down and asks gently, she wants to put on a fake smile and deny it, but he doesn't let her ''- don't even try to pretend, I know something's wrong, why are you sad?''

She is already an emotional mess and at the verge of tears, he was so nice to her this whole evening and even now. That's his biggest flaw, he's too nice to people who don't deserve it. Even after everything bad that he's done he still has that innocence to him, that honesty that moves you. She lost that a long time ago, if she ever even had it.

''I-I don't know. To be honest I'm not even sad about breaking up with Dan, I'm just sad for breaking up'' she says what she's been thinking of this whole day.

He rests his head against the end of the bed that's covered with a silky blue duvet ''What do you mean?''

She shakes her head left to right and closes her eyes, leaning back like he did ''I drive them away. It happened with you, Chuck, Louis, now Dan… it just goes goes goes and then bam, it done. Something's seriously wrong with me'' she laughs in desperation because it's either that or crying.

''Nothing's wrong with you Blair, you're amazing-'' he really means it, he never really dared to admit but he was still not over her, what's the other way to explain the fact that he didn't have one real relationship after their breakup, nor had he been honestly in love. ''- it's us that screw up, a girl like you is just too much to handle some times, you outgrown us. You also make us better, without you I wouldn't be the guy I am today, neither would any of them and we all turned out better''

She smiles as her cheeks blush, where has this Nate been when they were actually in a relationship. She's complexed and frustrated and just wants to kiss him to see if she can still feel that spark he used to bring her. It would be so wrong, then again, would it really? It's just an innocent kiss.

His eyes are so blue, she finds herself lost in them. She can't keep it in any longer so she just leans in and lets her lips join with his ones.

He still tastes all sweet and perfect like toothpaste, chocolate and all Nate-like.

He is surprised to say at least about her kiss but he doesn't stop it, no, he wouldn't stop it for anything.

It's bittersweet and it becomes heated and soon they are pulling each other's clothes off and lying naked on her bed.

What started out as a favor sure turned in to something they'd both be sure never to forget…

* * *

To be continued

* * *

Yes or no? Is it any good?:D Please leave a review telling if you'd like more or something, I care deeply for you opinion. I guess it's till next update, xo L


	2. I have a confession

Hello! I'm still not sure if there's any interest in this story, I guess time will tell, but I'm keeping it up for now, just to see how it goes. If it turns out that people like it, it will probably be another long shot. It depends, would you rather have a few chapters and then to move on to another story or do you want this one as detailed and long as my other ones? Speak up, I'll do as you tell me:)

I do not own the characters or the songs used, just the ideas.

* * *

''You're gonna have to take some vitamins too, I can recommend a few ones over the counter, it's very important for both of you. You should also sign up for some classes, not now, it's too early, but you never know-''

She hears noise instead of words, everything is blurry, or is it just her eyes filling up with tears? The emotion she was feeling was not possible to describe. Was it shock, disbelief, desperation or all in once. She is choking on her own air, her heartbeats so loud she can hear them through all the layers of her designer clothes and the thick skin she had since ever.

She never truly understood the term of ''walls crashing around you'' until now.

Pregnant. She was one month and two days pregnant. She keeps her poker face all along and sits perfectly still as the doctor tells her all about the baby classes there are, best hospitals, vitamins and all the stuff she never imagined would have to care for. It isn't until she exits the clinic and is walking down Fifth Avenue that she breaks in to tears.

She isn't able to stop till next morning.

''Miss Blair-'' a soft voice wakes her up ''-it's almost noon, your mother asks where Miss Waldorf is''

She opens her eyes which stung from crying, but stays under covers ''-just leave me here Dorota-'' her voice is hoarse and tired ''- I'm not feeling well'' and it's all she had a chance to say because she gets a sudden urge to throw up. She runs as if she was being chased by fire, Dorota stays where she was, her mouth agape both from shock and confusion

''Miss Blair, you okay?'' she asks from the other side of the door

Blair sits on top of the toilet seat that is freezing cold, but she's too overwhelmed to notice. She stays there with her head in her hands. ''I'm fine, I'm just feeling kind of sick, it's probably a cold or something, just please leave me alone''

Dorota nods and does as she was told though she knows it isn't a cold or a flu that Blair has, after all, she was the one who found Miss Waldorf's pregnancy test just a few minutes after the girl did. It's been a week and she's said nothing. So let it be.

* * *

It was another one of those stupid mornings when he just knew his day would suck, it was happening a lot lately, and though he refused to admit, it had everything to do with him.

How could he not feel awful, strange? It's been a month and he hasn't seen or heard from her yet. He knew it was mutual, but a big part of him is sure it is his fault, he shouldn't have left just like that the morning after. He couldn't help it, he got scared as always and blew up something that could have been a lot more.

Even worse, he can't talk to anyone about it. He can't talk to Dan because he would be pissed off if he found out Nate had sex with his girl just a few hours after they broke up. Serena is never safe to talk to, Chuck is still trying to win Blair back even though he refuses to admit and he loves her. He can't stab his friend in the back, not again.

And Blair, Blair who is there to solve any single dilemma he's ever had in his life is the main cause of his dilemma this time.

He's not even sure it would be a good idea to ever talk to her again, not because he doesn't want to, but because he's afraid of her rejection.

* * *

''It's okay, I can do this-'' she says staring at her reflection in the mirror ''-I command myself to do this'' but it feels so wrong saying those words out loud, especially when in your hand there's a flyer for an abortion clinic.

She figures better get over it and never mention it again then to make a scandal. She has thought this trough.

She was barely capable of taking care of herself, let along look after and raise a human being. Her career would have to take a break; no one wants to work with a pregnant designer who makes clothes for teenage girls, when she just finished her education herself. Her mother would probably take the company back and then Blair would be pregnant, humiliated and unemployed.

God knows what her mother would say of all of this, nothing nice she supposes.

That's just some of the tiny pieces that make her decision weight down on getting rid of –it.

And Nate. Gosh, he doesn't even know the baby, no, the fetus is there and even if he knew it wouldn't make much of a change. Why didn't she tell him then?

Nate was just like her on the matter of taking care of something. A child should be brought to and be raised by someone who knows how to handle it and make their life better. Nate and Blair would raise a child that would be even more messed up then themselves. They grew up on the UES with no parental figures, just shadows. She would rather not have the baby – fetus, and spare it the horror.

She didn't think at all how the abortion would affect her life. Right now it just feels like getting rid of something that's not supposed to be there.

Yes, she is a horrible person for a) doing it at all and b) not telling the child's father there even is a child (a fetus, not a living thing, just a distraction). Then again, that thing growing inside of her, it didn't have a father, or so she decided.

She finally gathers up the courage and makes the appointment. In a week time, she will be rid of all the problems she is currently having.

''Blair Waldorf'' the receptionist calls out her name, she was so sure of this before she came, but being here now gives her a strange feeling of scare. She isn't the only one there. There's a very young looking girl with an older woman who she supposes is her mother, and a couple. She is here alone and frightened, and her name is called. Today she is only here to make an official appointment, still it gives her chills, not the good kind of.

She listens to everything that the doctor has to say about it, it feels like she's trying to talk her out of it which she did not need. She was already a train wreck. The guilt of not telling Nate is increasing by the second. All of a sudden she feels like she's burning, the walls are crashing again and she needs to get out of there. She gets up on the surprise of the doctor and grabs her purse.

''I understand, we're all set'' she says and leaves not waiting for any response.

The minute she steps out she is on her phone dialing a number she knew all too well

Nate is halfway up to the Spectator when she finally calls. He has a meeting with some of the funders when the call occurs and at first he thinks it's his assistant or Chuck or someone else irrelevant right then. His eyes widen in surprise upon seeing her name flash on the screen. He immediately stops his tracks and answers as soon as he can.

''Blair?'' he says hopefully, he doesn't even greet her because his brain isn't working and for some reason his heart is going much faster than it should

Hearing his voice makes her tremble and make the urge to tell him even bigger. ''I-we-'' she doesn't even know what to say, what to ask of him. She can't do it over the phone. She should've at least thought this troughe before calling him. What's done is done. ''-we need to talk-'' cliché cliché ''-as soon as possible''

The tone of her voice turns his expression from glad to worried, he knew that Blair Waldorf persona approach very well and it always came with bad news. What could have gone wrong, with nothing on his mind he nodded like she could see him over the phone ''Of course-'' he stops remembering he's still at work ''- I have to finish a meeting. Meet me at the Empire in half an hour?''

''No-'' she froze to the mention of the Empire, she couldn't tell him 'that news' where there was a possibility of someone hearing over the conversation. Chuck could show up at any time, Serena too. Too many people knew them there and there were too many Chuck's spies and informers. The last thing she needed was the whole Manhattan finding out about the pregnancy. She could already see the title on Gossip Girl – ''The former golden couple and their heir''. Not so golden any more, not even a couple any more.

She almost let herself think and fantasize of what would life be like if they never broke up. They would both finish Yale and probably be engaged by now, he would run a powerful firm, which he actually does and she would run her own business, which also surprisingly she does. Maybe then a baby wouldn't be that much of a burden.

No, she won't think of that. She can't.

''No, not the Empire. The Palace'' she says trying to keep her voice strong and even

''Fine-'' he says quietly, by now he's really concerned ''-see you there''

She wants to say that she can't wait to see him, that she missed him and wishes it could all be like old times. She's aware that after the conversation she's about to have with him nothing will ever be the same. So she just hangs up.

* * *

When he arrives she is already waiting for him. He can only see her from far but he already knows she looks beautiful, she always does. It surprises him that she's not sitting at the bar like usual, she must have something really important to tell him. He has thought it trough and all around trying to figure out what, nothing specific came to his mind. Maybe she was moving away. No, she wouldn't only call him, he wasn't that important to her, she made that clear. What if she was getting back with Chuck, she was meeting him to ask him not to tell Chuck about their hook-up and it would explain why she wanted to avoid the Empire. Of course.

He is there and all the courage she has mustered while waiting for him flees away. She feels like a weak little girl in front of him. She barely makes herself say hi to him.

He can't take it any longer, not knowing is killing him, especially if this had anything to do with Bass ''Is everything okay?''

She can't bring herself up to look at him, one gaze to those eyes and she would be bawling. How did this happen? When did everything become so screwed up… they should have a chance at being young, they should be having fun, joking around and instead-

She is about to tell him something that's sure to ruin both of them on every level. How do you break someone's future along with his heart when yours is already so broken it can no longer work, you know exactly how awful it feels and now your obligation is to make someone you once loved -and maybe still do- feel that awful too.

''I'm sorry I just left-'' he starts, seeing she isn't ready to talk, maybe she is mad at him, still ''-I called-''

''-I know you did-'' her voice is trembling and she's at the verge of tears ''-I just couldn't-'' he voice stops in her throat. She has to tell him. She can't keep stalling this forever.

He nods quietly. She eventually brings herself to look at his eyes, at first he doesn't return but when he does and his blue eyes bore in to hers, she lets out a tear.

Nate is frightened by her behavior and realizes something is seriously wrong. Blair doesn't cry, not if it's not important.

He takes her hand in his on impulse from all those years of looking after her, it hurt him to see her like this.

''No-'' she takes her hand back in tears, it breaks his heart ''-I don't deserve this, I'm going to do it-'' she doesn't need him to be so nice to her. Everything she thought trough before this conversation has fallen apart. What is she doing? This isn't just her child, her own decision, it is Nate's too and she thought about losing it without even telling him. She is sure he would never give that baby away, his heart is way to pure. Maybe she should just give birth to it and give it to Nate so she can continue life on herself somewhere far away from them so she couldn't hurt them.

She is making no sense at all and he is even more confused and frightened than before. He decides to put a stop to it so he cups her face and make her look at him ''Blair, stop-'' she is still bawling ''-just tell me what happened''

Now or never…

''I'm pregnant'' she cries out in to the silence. ''You're the father''

* * *

I always had a special thread in me for dramatic endings, haven't I? :D Next chapter is Nate's reaction and so much more. So review, review, review and you may speed up my writing process. Should Blair keep the baby? Stay with Nate? Or not, and go on with her life? We'll see, till next update xo L


	3. Thin line between happiness and despair

Thank you so much for your continuous support and nice things you say about my writing and this fiction, it means more than you know and it makes me want to write even more than I already do. I'm sorry I'm not as frequent as I was, but school is killing me. I promise you I do my best to write as fast as possible. I hope you enjoy the chapter I prepared for you.

I do not own the characters or the songs used in any of my fics, only the ideas are mine.

* * *

Pregnant. The word echoes through his mind again and again and again. Everything around him stops to let that word sink in. 'You're the father' as in she is pregnant with his child, his. The rate his heart is going by now is even worse than before, he should say something, react somehow but he can't. He is frozen in place, his brain doesn't work, his lips can't move and all he can do is stare helplessly and watch her cry. He can see desperation in her eyes and god damn it, he just has to say something.

''Mine-'' he doesn't know if it's a statement or a question, she already made it clear it was indeed his, he just had to hear it again.

She makes a pained expression ''Yes yours, who else would it be-''

He has an answer to that question but he's sure it would cause him an instant slap and complete lost of contact with her. He keeps his mouth shut.

Never in his life did he imagine being in this situation, having to handle it. Just an hour ago his biggest problem was not being able to choose a right design for the newest Spectator article, now he has a child on the way.

Well they both do, he can't be this selfish, for a moment he forgets he's not alone and feels horrible right after. He can't be useless, not now. Blair is going through all of this too. There's a question pending on his mind that he's afraid to ask because he doesn't want to know the answer even though he has to.

''Are you going to ke-'' he doesn't even have a chance to say because she's already waiting with an answer

''-No-'' she shoots out, her tears are almost dry but she knows it will only last for so long ''-I can't-''

She dares to look up and face his torn expression. She doesn't want to ask for his opinion because she knows he'd never have the heart to hurt that baby and that he's not okay with this. She knows he's not, and he'll keep silent so he won't hurt her. It stings somewhere deep inside her.

''-I made the appointment. It's done. I just want to forget about this-''

All the shock and pain he was feeling turns to anger as he hears her say that. ''What do you mean? Did you even plan on telling me?-''

He raises his voice and it surprises her, she can't be mad or offended though, he has every right and she accepts it, she deserves this. She wishes he would yell even more.

''-or did you just plan on getting it done and never telling me about it''

The truth hurts even harder when it comes from his mouth, she was untouchable to anyone, besides him. He always had that ability to make her face reality. Her eyes fill with tears and she refuses to look at him out of pure shame and fear that if she does, she'll start crying and never be able to stop.

''-I didn't-'' she gasps ''-God, I did, but then I realized that I can't do it without telling you, I'd regret it forever and this isn't your fault-'' it's both of us. ''-I'm doing this. I have to. I'm not asking for your permission'' she tries to keep her voice strong but it wavers, she's not even aware she's crying still. She was hurting the one person that was always there for her, but at the same time the one person that broke her heart more times than she could count. It just wasn't meant to be. This was a sign.

He wants to tell her not to go through with it. It was far away from ideal but it was theirs. He knows he won't be able to get over it. How do you move on from something like this?

But what can he do about it. It's her decision and she made it. Never in his life would he purposely do something to hurt her (even though hurting her unintentionally became his specialty). He stays quiet for a while, trying to muster the strength to speak to her again.

''Fine. Whatever you decide, I'll support you''

Her body goes weak at his words, she knows that he's lying by the way he's looking down at his hands and nervously shaking his knee under the table. Mostly his eyes, they were a dead giveaway.

That evening when he comes home, he locks the door to his room and spends the whole night staring at the ceiling, biting down his feelings, pressing his hands in to fists till they turn white from the pressure, trying not to feel a thing.

* * *

It's the day. She tries not to think too much of it, it's just a tiny seizure, it'll be done in no time and she can get on with her life like nothing has happened.

She leaves work early and tells everyone in the firm to do the same, everyone's asking questions but she insists that she has some errands to run.

Nate wasn't told that it was today, she knows how he feels about it and even though he promised he would support her every decision about this, she couldn't bear to have him go through this too. They didn't talk much after that day at the coffee shop, he tried to reach out but she felt it would be too much of a burden on both of them, it was solved anyways.

She can't allow for them to get involved again, it would only be a reminder of what they've done and that mistake would hunt them forever, destroy them. Nate meant so much to her, even too much. She would rather have him hate her, but have it end up with her hating him back (though she knows that can never happen, not really)

She enters the building, making sure no one she knows observed her. No one besides Nate knew about this anyways. She wants it to stay this way. She even made sure her driver let her out a street earlier so she could do this as quiet as she could.

She is there and so it starts. Her hand are shaking uncontrollably when the nurse hands her some papers to fill and she can barely make herself do it. Once again she is here all by herself and everyone else is with someone else. She's glad, she wants to be alone.

The walls in the room they take her to is painted yellow, such a happy color for such a horrible place. She almost laughs bitterly at the irony, the doctor who is taking care of her breaks her thoughts.

''Blair Waldorf? I'm Doctor Sonya'' she is all bubbly and smiling, Blair can't help but feel the hypocorism in the air. She stands up in the blue gown she was given and nods. Now not only her hands were shaking but her entire body. She feels sick to her stomach and her head is spinning, she tries to concentrate on the conversation but she can't. All she can think of it taking that innocent child's life away.

Nate planned to get wasted. He knew which day today was, she didn't tell him but he saw it booked on her little calendar when it fell from her purse the other day. He didn't mention it, if she wanted him to know, she would tell him herself, obviously he was excluded.

He wants to get drunk out of his mind, not to think of anything, especially not about where Blair is now and what's happening with their-

No, there was no 'their child' there was never a child, just a distraction that needed to be taken care of. At least that's how Blair put it. He can't move, let along drink anything, so he just sits there with a glass of scotch in his hand doing nothing, feeling useless like he usually is.

Chuck passes by and doesn't even notice him, probably. He has a girl under his arm and she's drunk and giggling so why would he care if Nate's there. There were days when he felt sorry for Chuck and felt slight anger towards Blair for crossing Chuck off, of course it was all a little show Nate put for himself so he could forget that he was still very much in love with her. There were also days when he wanted to punch him as hard as he could to get even. Today was one of those days.

He is finally about to take the first sip of his drink when his phone indicates a call. He has no intention to answer, that is until he sees that the person who's calling is Blair.

''Hello?'' he answers immediately, concern in his voice. Maybe she's calling him just to say that it's done, that would too much even for him.

Instead he just hears weeping and her struggling to get air ''Na-Nate- I can't-'' she cuts herself off by another wave of tears

''-shhh, it's okay Blair, where are you-'' he gets an adrenaline rush, it breaks his heart just thinking of her like this

''-At the Westrors clinic, it's-''

''-I know where it is-'' he knows the address by heart, he will never forget it after seeing it written down in her little planner book. ''-just try to calm down and wait for me, I'll be right there'' he doesn't have the patience to take the elevator so he just flees down the stairs, almost hitting a staff member. He ignores his limo driver and takes his own car. I takes a while and the traffic is horrible. But he makes it pretty quick. There's no one standing outside the clinic and it's cold outside so she must be inside.

Just as he thought, she was sitting isolated from all the people, her head in her hands, bawling. His heart breaks in to two as he rushes towards her. He kneels before her and when she finally looks up, she lets herself go in his arms.

''I couldn't do it Nate-'' she feels so week, but he is there and it makes her strong enough ''-it's yours and it's mine and it's alive, who am I to take that away''

He nods and wipes a little of her tears away ''-it's okay Blair, we'll figure it out, everything will be okay-'' he sits next to her and holds her close to him ''-I promise. Let's get you out of here''

She nods and lets him. She cries all trough the car ride and he tries to console her, unsuccessfully. She tells him to drive her home to the penthouse so he does. Only Dorota should be home, Blair lived alone there, with her staff of course, for two years now. Her mother and Cyrus were in L.A., her dad was still in France, but she decided to stay and run the firm. She couldn't leave New York, not really. There were too many attachments, Central Park, Barneys, Bendels, Serena, the penthouse. Nate was there. And somehow, she couldn't let that go.

The penthouse is quiet and the only sound filling the space is the clacking of her heels against the marble floor and the whimpers at the back of her throat. Just like he is meant to, he takes care of her, waits for her till she exits the bathroom to make sure that she is alright. He puts her to bed, even tucks her in. When he's about to leave she gets a numb feeling of emptiness and pain again. She's hurting too much, she can't stand any more pain. Her shaky hand reaches out to catch his

''Do you think-'' she fidgets ''-maybe you could stay with me tonight?'' she asks unsure of how he'll react. He looks at her with that loving look that reminded her of everything nice and nods

''Of course'' he can't admit aloud, but he's more than happy to do so, all he wants to do is stay with her, forever if it takes.

She smiles poorly, all she could muster ''Lay with me'' the words sound familiar and it's almost like the old days. If she shuts her eyes tight enough she can pretend they are still together and this is just one of those tired sleepy nights where she will cuddle up against him and let his heartbeats lull her to sleep.

He agrees without a word, he knows how it is, she doesn't need to explain. He takes his coat off along with his shoes and lies beside her.

She feels him against her back, she doesn't need to turn around because he is there and he isn't going anywhere, his hands go around her waist and she finally feels secure. He kisses her shoulder only slightly, she can barely feel it, yet it sends warmth all through her system. Her hand reaches for his and they stay like that.

She doesn't know what's going to happen tomorrow or the day after, but at the moment she has the world in her palms and she can at least pretend everything's alright with the world...

For now.

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To be continued

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I have some pretty good ideas for this story (st least I think they're good x)), I'm really excited to write it because it'll be different from all the other ones I've already written. Review/ follow/favorite. Till next update xo L


	4. The ticking truth

Hello everyone! A new chapter is here, possibly a day late but you'll forget all about that once you read it ;) I hope you'll enjoy and please be patient, I know my writing isn't perfect and I make grammar mistakes, but I really am trying my best, hope you can forgive a few of those mistakes. However I can also see that compared to how bad it was, it's great now. Enjoy your little dose of Nair.

I don't own the characters or the songs, just the ideas.

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''Oh God, we have to get one of these-'' he said excitedly, his eyes were shimmering and he reminded her so much of his younger self. She turned around to see what occupied him again , and just as she expected

''Nate, really now?'' she said sarcastically and rolled her eyes, she was actually pretty amused but he didn't have to know that.

''Fine-'' he rolled his eyes back ''-but how many girls can say that they own a Halo customized X box console, she'll be the coolest kid ever'' he said excitedly and refused to return the gaming set back.

''We don't even know if it's a girl-'' she pointed out as she went through some pink blankets, she obviously wanted a girl…subconsciously.

''So there's a chance that it's a boy'' he smiled widely

'' Like it matters... I'm more concerned about that dinner tonight'' she said nervously, her great mood immediately dissapeared.

They've kept it a secret for two months now and she was starting to show. They had to tell everyone, they've been putting it off for almost a month. It's not like you can just call your mother and tell her you're having a baby with your friend, who is and will stay only that. A child out of wedlock, even worse, a child that'll be raised out of wedlock. Nate's religious mother will have a lot to say on that matter, that's for sure.

But what were they supposed to do? They decided it was better off to stay friends because of the child and let it have a somewhat normal life, than to force a relationship which would most likely end up in a traumatic divorce. Both of them knew nothing about raising a child or what they were supposed to do, but judging on their own experiences with unfit parents, whose credit cards can only give you that much love, they knew enough not to screw that child up completely.

It was Blair though, Blair was the one who wanted to keep it separated, he was ready to commit only to her, he still is, or so he thinks. He has wronged her one too many times in the past for her to bite in to it once more.

It didn't matter what she felt, she had to ignore the fact that she would want nothing more than to be with him again. It couldn't end well, not in her book.

The only question was, how long could she keep this charade going without falling in love with him again and again.

Nate took a deep breath, she wasn't the only one concerned about that dinner, but she chose to be the one to remind him of it every five minutes. He knew it would be awkward and tough and probably won't end up good but he wanted to stay calm for her sake.

It was bad enough as it was.

He forgot all about their problems when his eyes fell on her again. He watched her from afar and admired her beauty, she was just so delicate while doing anything. She looked effortless, even better in his eyes. Her hair seemed shinier, her smile wider and he couldn't help but wonder why the sudden fascination with her.

Not to get him wrong, he's always been in love with her, she was still the most gorgeous girl he has ever meet, but she seemed even more gorgeous, even more be beautiful lately.

And she was his, well at least a part of her was his, not her really. It was more of a curse than a blessing. And thinking of it now, how stupid do you have to be to let a girl like that go away? Ask Nate, he knows the best.

''hello, Earth calling Nate-'' she waved in front of his face with a soft yellow blanket

''Sorry-'' he grinned and gave her his attention back

''-we have to get going, there's only two more hours till the-'' she stopped and gulped uneasily ''-you know''

''Yeah, I know''

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Much unlike the previous hour of agreeing exactly what to say and how to respond to questions, it was a quiet care ride. It wasn't the settling kind of quiet though, he was very much aware of that. She was going out of her mind and he has failed miserably throughout the day in making her feel better.

''Are you okay?'' he asked lamely in a desperate attempt to lighten up the atmosphere

''No-'' she said quietly and continued staring out the window, her eyes getting caught on every road sign there was ''- are you?'' it wasn't really a question

''It's going to be okay'' he said trying to both assure her and himself

''What if it won't? What if everyone loses their mind over it and-''

''-knowing our families they probably will-'' he had to stop her from over thinking. This was happening, there was no point in pretending that everything will be okay when they know it probably won't. At least they can come to peace with it

''- but you know what? Who gives a fuck? Blair if your parents or my parents or Serena or anyone, decide to lash out and say something against it, then screw them. Who needs them anyways? You'll always have me-'' he wasn't sure if that meant anything to her, but it came from his heart, he really meant it ''- and I'll always be here to take care of you and our baby, I-'' he wanted to say that he loved her more than anything, it was a perfect moment to do so, but his brain kept telling him no. It would only piss her off ''-I want you to trust me'' more like – _I need you to trust me_.

Blair was overwhelmed with emotion while listening to him. She could blame the pregnancy hormones for almost making her cry but she knew it had nothing to do with that, it was just him. He always knew just the right thing to say. And when he almost said what she hoped he finally would, she was on the edge of emotions, a few seconds away from becoming a tearful mess.

He didn't say it. Maybe it was for the best. If he did, she would probably say it back and everything would get complicated. He was there for her, and even though he's already said it a million times before, this time she actually believed him.

''I do trust you Nate-'' She said quietly ''-and I know that it's not easy dealing with me, but you have to know that I appreciate it. Not just because of now or the baby, it's always, you've always been around, even though I was mostly bitter and mad because of the Serena fiasco-''

There she goes again, they could never really move on because she'd never let him forget.

''-nevertheless, you were there to restore me the mess, it's about time I start returning the favor''

He shook his head, but kept his eyes on the road ''No, that's not what I want-''

Her eyes widened, was he shutting her out? Did she say something wrong? Panic swiped all over her, what if he was being nice just so it would be easier to tell her he wanted nothing to do with her anymore. Her blood was boiling, she was ready for a verbal attack-

''don't you understand Blair? I'm not doing this because I want something in return, this is just me being me, doing what I want to do, not what I feel obligated to do. You don't owe me anything, I'm in this just as much as you are''

As her anger slowly faded away, she found herself hating them both for a moment. Hating him because he had to be so fucking perfect and unselfish all the time and show her just how imperfect and horrible she was most of the time.

Of course this wasn't for selfish reasons, it was Nate. Nate didn't know revenge or hatred, Nate was love and understanding. She was the one making the wrong assumptions, always seeing the worst in people. Nate was there to cancel that out, he wasn't aware of it, but being with him made her want to become the person he always saw in her, the loving, caring Blair he was so sure was there. She'd love to meet that Blair one day.

The car stopped suddenly and made her come back to reality where Nate was kind of mad at her and they were about to tell everyone everything.

He was a few steps ahead of her and about to go in. She was struggling to come up with the right words to say, she didn't want them to go in there mad, not because of everyone they had to face, but because she couldn't stand him being mad at her.

''I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking when I said that-''she stated quietly.

He finally turned around with an expression that said _-You're still there? I didn't notice- _it had a bigger effect on her than she thought it would. He didn't say a word. ''I know that you don't want anything in return and that you're just being nice-''

''-you think that's why I'm mad?'' he asked all of a sudden. She was even more confused than before. Was she really that oblivious, she couldn't understand. ''-I'm mad-'' he shook his head and ran a hand trough his hair –a nervous habit ''-no, I'm frustrated that you still don't trust me-''

Didn't they have the same argument just moments ago?

''-Yes I do-''

''-no you don't. You think you do, but somewhere deep inside you still think I'm the same 17 year old self who wouldn't pass up on an opportunity to hurt you. But I have changed Blair, I really did''

Why did they always have to go back to that dark time of their younger lives. Now she was frustrated too and they were both mad and late.

''Fine, maybe you're right-'' she said admitting defeat, but not just yet ''-you're also wrong.''

He looked over at her with a pained expression, if they thought they'd last long without a dispute, boy they were wrong. They weren't able to function without it; it was the base of their bitter-sweet relationship.

''Tell me one thing Nate, and I want you to really think about it-'' she had to grit her teeth really hard between her sentences to keep her emotions down an try to remain fierce in front of him for once in her life ''- is it me that can't forgive you or is it you that can't forgive yourself?''

That sentence alone dug deeper than all the times he's ever been hurt combined together. Can he forgive himself? Never, not even then. Can he admit it to himself? The very same answer.

''We should really get going, they're waiting for us-'' he said poorly without sparing her a glance and entered.

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To be continued

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Stay tuned till next week like always and of course review,favorite&follow. Till next update xo L


	5. I'll be there, when you won't need me

Hello everyone, another week has passed by and the new chapter is here. Hope you like it so far. Thank you for your comments and support, and of course, review, review , review, it means a lot to hear your opinion of the story and possible ideas too.

I'm sorry that the update was delayed, but I got sick (still got the cold :/ ) and school's been killing me.

I don't own the characters, only the ideas.

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She didn't move for a while, she just stood there and watched him go. It was always the same, they could go from nice and perfect to chaos and hatred in a millisecond. Most of all she was clueless and frustrated. She had no idea what she did or say wrong, maybe it was just Nate being sensitive today, or maybe it were her hormones.

She felt bad now, for telling him all that stuff about not being able to get over it. It has always bothered him and even when they were together three years ago, when she threw her soul out trying to convince him she's forgotten all about Serena and everything, he was still not okay with it. He was never really the one to hurt people (oh the irony) so when he did, he couldn't get over it.

He clutched the grip on the stairs firmly as he tried to get himself out of this trans and to work properly again. She shook his game and hit the softest spot of all. No, not hit, thrust it trough with all the force she could manage. Now she was left behind, because honestly, Nate didn't have it in him to fight her yet again. He was exhausted physically, mentally and it was only the beginning of the evening.

''Nate-'' he heard her voice call after him ''-Nate, wait a minute'' her hand grabbed his upper arm as she tried to stop him before going inside. No way in hell would she leave this unresolved upon telling everyone everything. How could anyone believe they'll make it work, when even they couldn't.

''What?'' he finally turned around and hissed at her. She let go of his arm right away, her lips pressed in a firm line. He closed his eyes for a second and exhaled deeply. Why did he just do that? He was such an asshole sometimes, when all she tried to do was talk to him.

''I'm sorry-'' his words were heavy ''- I didn't mean to yell at you''

_But you did, _went through her mind. She decided to ignore it and get back to the real problem.

''You can't go in there before we sort this out, or else you're going in without me'' she said firmly and tried to keep a tough posture. So, she was conditioning him now, she had no other choice.

''Oh come on Blair, there's nothing to talk about, let's just get this over with'' he said with a slight tone of annoyance. Truth be told he would rather go inside and face all of those people waiting for them , than have this talk with her. He knew he was a jackass way before, and he was being a jackass at the moment. He didn't need her to rub it in his face.

''Really?-'' she was visibly hurt, there was no point in even trying to disguise her unhappiness ''- is that what it's going to be like? Not talking to each other, just letting the troubles pile up and create space between us? Well if it is, then maybe having this baby is a mistake after all''

She didn't even care that there were in fact some people around in the lobby, she just took a seat on one of those Victorian looking club chairs and buried her face in her palms.

Nate turned around for the sake of trying to stop this argument. He expected her to stand there with her arms crossed at her chest and a disappointed but tough expression on her fox like face, only she was sitting in that huge red chair, crying.

It didn't take a lot of thinking, even when he was over the head mad at her, he couldn't stand to see her cry. He rushed over and kneeled in front of her.

''Please don't cry-'' he said as gently as he could ''-Blair look at me. I'm sorry. It's not like that I swear. I'm just having a bad day, it's not your fault I'm a moron. Blair-''

She finally looked up and quickly wiped her tears away ''I just can't Nate, okay? I can't go through with this alone. And I have to know for sure that you'll be here. Not just for a few months, not a few years. Not ten years. Always.''

''This isn't a game for me Blair, I know it's real and believe me I know you can't go through it alone, I would never let it happen. We're not kids anymore. This is real and if you want always, I will give you always. I would give you more if I could, I really would. -'' he took her hands in his '' - but you have to learn to trust me first. This will only work if we're both in.''

She couldn't have put it better herself. She finally stopped crying and instead of an answer, simply hugged him closer. They stayed like that for a while, it was more meaningful than either of them would ever think. She finally pulled apart only a little ''I promise I'll be more rational next time-''

''-and I promise I won't be such a jerk next time'' he said and made her laugh slightly.

She nodded '' Deal, I'm really sorry.'' She had to add, now she felt a little guilty

''Are you sick of this apologies as much as I am?'' he said and honestly smiled. She laughed at his statement ''It's like sorry is the only way we communicate between making a fuss and talking about the baby'' she said and unconsciously put a hand over her belly. Funny how she wanted to get rid of that innocent little creature just a month ago, and now she would give her life for her or him.

''We should go inside, this isn't even fashionably late anymore'' she said in true Waldorf stile and smoothed out her dress.

''As you command'' he smiled and offered his hand which she gladly took. She needed support more than ever due to what they were about to barge in.

''Ready?'' he asked, his hand on the door knob

''It's now or never'' she said simply and grasped his upper arm even tighter than she had before.

''Finally'' Serena cheerfully chanted as they walked in, her smile fell soon and turned in to confusion. Nate and Blair, again? Really? Why was it that her so called best friend never mentioned it, and why the sudden family gathering? She would usually search for fun in Nate, but he was on the other side lately, or Chuck, who was downing his third scotch and didn't look interested in anything but Blair. How stupid can a man be.

''Sorry we're late everybody, traffic'' Nate said nervously. Surprisingly he was the one keeping it together, Blair had yet to utter a word and she was usually the one to talk the talk. She just kept smiling- or whatever that fake pained expression was – and holding a tight grip on his arm.

''Blair, Nathanial, about time-'' her mother spoke, she still couldn't move ''-well come, sit, we didn't this long to watch you stand there''

Nate managed to free his arm of her and instead put it on her lower back, lightly nudging her forward.

''I can't do this'' she whispered as quietly as she could

''Yes you can Blair, keep it together'' he reassured her quietly while holding out a chair for her.

Both of them somehow made it fine trough the dinner, a light mood was set, they managed to keep the conversation alive, pretend like everything was normal and they weren't about to drop the bomb on them.

''So can someone finally explain why we're all sitting here, pretending like we stand each other or?'' Chuck eventually said and brought everyone's attention back to the matter. Blair looked over at Nate nervously, he tried his best not to let it get to his head, but failed. His stomach started making summersaults. He noticed Chuck was already bitter about the bare fact that he wasn't the one here with Blair, and God knew how worse it would become after he found out. He could cross him of his friend list and look for a place to live instantly. He was ready for the latter. He already found a two floor apartment, and even though he knew it was never going to happen, he still hoped him, Blair and their baby would one day live there.

''Yes, the reason you're all here today is cause we have something important to share with all of you-''

''-and we want you to find out from us first, not the papers or Gossip Girl'' she finally spoke up

''Well-'' Eleanor looked at both of them, she was as confused as everyone at that table; Serena, Chuck, Cyrus, Dorota, Dan – which made it even more horrible and awkward for both of them, considering the fact that she got pregnant the night Dan and her broke up- even Lily and Rufus were there because, well, it was a family dinner. The only one's missing were Nate's parents who were at a cruise ship vacation. Nate promised her he would call right after the dinner and let them know too.

''Before we tell you anything, you have to know that this is what we both want, and this is happening, we had a lot of time to think it trough and we're sticking to our decision regardless of your reaction. So don't even try-'' she stopped herself before going overboard

''Blair just spill it already'' Serena said with a half mocking laugh

''I'm pregnant-'' she said, her voice steady

''-and I'm the father-''

''-but we're raising the child as friends'' she said unsurely

A few agonizingly long seconds of silence and utter shock followed. Everyone just sat there, mouth agape. Serena was the first one to speak, of course she was.

''Is this a joke? Are you guys serious-''

Blair has had it enough with that attitude, particularly when it came from Serena, her soft spot. She was about to tell her off, but she was cut off by none other than her mother.

''Blair this is too much even from you, are you trying to kill me? Is that what you're trying to do?''

''Now wait a minute Eleanor, let the kids alone-'' Cyrus said considerately, once again Blair was thankful for that man

''Thank God it's mister Nate-'' Dorota added up. Blair looked over at her with shock ''You knew?''

''-How exactly do you plan to run my firm? From a hospital with a baby half way out of you-''

''-Mom-'' she said appalled, she knew she could expect an outburst like this, but she thought Eleanor Waldorf had more grace than that

''-and you don't even plan to get married-'' she added

Dan didn't say a word, he just got up from the table and went out. Blair felt a pang of guilt in her chest, but she had other important things to be focused on.

''Well done Archibald, at least now she can't get away from you-'' Chuck commented sideways to Nate ''-but I'm sure you'll find a way to screw that up too''

Blair heard that little comment besides her mom's rambling and made a mental note to punch Chuck in the face as hard as she could after all of this. That is if Nate doesn't do it first, and by the way it looked, he would. Her eyes fell down on his hands that he forced in to fists, anger evident in his eyes. She put her own hand over his one to try and calm him down. Nate couldn't take it anymore, the people, how stupid all of them were handling it, and the fact that they cared more about their reputation being in danger than the fact that there was a child to be born.

''Everyone just shut the fuck up'' he yelled all of a sudden and everyone did in fact shut up, their eyes cut trough Nate.

''Unless you have anything remotely nice or supportive to say about this, this conversation is over''

His eyes fell on hers and she gave him a look of compassion, they both knew what would happen, both of them also knew that they didn't care. With that he gave her a small smile and took her hand in his, dragging her away from the table and the chaos.

''Where are you even …'' Serena said and stopped mid sentence, just staring at them with her mouth open again. It was hard to believe how little they actually cared about everyone.

One thing was sure, that conversation was far from over…

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There you go, hope you enjoyed and of course, review/favorite/follow. Till next update xoL


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